Behind The Scenes
by TerraZeal
Summary: Random short scenes/drabbles that popped into my head while doing certain things in WoW. Will contain many different characters. Meant to be mostly humorous. No OCs. Rated T for language.
1. Pointless Slaughter

_**AN: **Some very short (hopefully amusing) scenes that popped into my head while doing certain raids/quests/pvp. Will be a multi-chapter Warcraft shorts pack. Totally random as they come to me, for the most part._

_**Pointless Slaughter**_

Tirion Fordring was having a very irritating day. So far, at least twelve people had come up and asked him just WHY these Coliseum games meant anything at all. Darion seemed to agree with the hopeless younglings who failed to see the merit of the games.

"You know, there really is zero point to making people kill each other and your own people for your own amusement, you know that, right?"

Tirion was puzzled.

"It isn't for my amusement. It's to prepare them for battle against the Lich King! Also, I would never truly sacrifice my people! They are all healed full after the battle!"

Darion just made a scoffing noise and probably would have rolled his eyes if he hadn't been constantly wearing that ugly helmet.

"So you can raise people from the dead now? You're like the holy version of Arthas?"

"Darion? Shut up and go back to your cave or whatever."

"..."

"I mean it, Darion! Why are you even here? Over half the people coming here have tried to kill you under the grounds that you are a servant of the Lich King."

"...Fine. Don't blame me when you get frozen in a block of yellow ice yelling 'ASHBRINGER HUNGERS!', moron." Darion cast a portal to Acherus and vanished.

Tirion looked even more puzzled. Yellow ice? What? And he would never become like the Lich King! After all, he wasn't mindlessly murdering innocents for no reason at all.

Later, Tirion sat in the stands of the Coliseum and watched excitedly as Alliance soldiers forced themselves into the fight instead of letting Tirion's own experienced-at-dying people handle the Horde challengers.

Varian was cheering as the Alliance soldiers mindlessly slaughtered the Horde soldiers. Tirion covered his face with his palm. This was ridiculous! They were all idiots! Still..it was damn exciting to watch!

As they were leaving, Garrosh, despite Thrall's direct orders, came right up to Tirion.

"You let my greatest soldiers die pointlessly in there, stupid human!" Garrosh was glaring daggers.

Tirion wondered where the bulky orc learned large words like 'pointless'.

"Piss on your competition! Piss on you, 'Highlord'!" Garrosh then pulled down his pants and pissed in the general direction of Tirion.

All the while, Tirion was still pondering how Garrosh had learned semi-long words. He finally came to the conclusion that Saurfang somehow must have taught him back in Boring Tundra before he glanced down.

The Highlord swore angrily. Yellow ice, indeed. Dammit, Darion!


	2. The Woes of YoggSaron

_**AN: **Based on the "Kologarn will stop your raid" meme. All credit for the idea goes to the person who thought that up._

_**The Woes of Yogg-Saron Part 1**_

Sometimes it wasn't fun or easy being a crazy, mind-controlling, abomination from beyond the universe. Yogg-Saron was having a very bad day. He was trying to get Ulduar just right, but the idiots he had enslaved just weren't BEHAVING!

He couldn't exactly get up and walk around in his normal form, but he could project the Sara avatar, and that was just what he was doing, watching the progress, or lack of it, from his minions.

Right now, he was examining the piss-poor job those insane dwarves had done on the giant siege engine called 'Flame Leviathan'.

Sara stood in front of one of the dwarves, asking what should have been a very simple question.

"Tell me again, why are there containers of pyrite, something that can badly damage this machine, floating above it?"

The dwarf blinked. "Aye, it adds to the atmosphere, don't it? Looks nice, eh?"

"How is this strategically beneficial to me? What if someone decides to storm my precious city and somehow manages to knock down the pyrite?"

"Ye see, master, er, mistress, uh..."

"...Master is fine...moron." He added the last part in barely a whisper. Still, since he was Yogg-Saron, his whispers were always heard very clearly.

"Eh? No one will get past the siege engines at the front gates! We put dozens of unmanned ones right there, to scare off possible intruders! Clearly they will see the siege engines and think, hey, this place is way too weaponized to ever invade!"

"What? You put unmanned siege engines at the gates of my palace? Just...what? Also, is weaponized even a word? And why can the machine be disabled by some idiot leaping on top of it and pressing a few buttons? You know what, never mind. Whatever happens, you guys deal with it!"

The head dwarf beamed stupidly at his master. _There is no way that this can backfire for us at all,_ he thought.

Sara/Yogg-Saron dematerialized to leave the baffled dwarves to deal with Flame Leviathan.

In the next area of his palace, Ignis, some giant fire thing, was placing the last pieces of armor on a dragon he had creatively dubbed Razorscale. When Ignis saw Sara, he attempted to bow, but almost fell into an inexplicably placed pool of water.

Yogg-Saron didn't even WANT to ask why a giant made of fire would even have water in his quarters.

"..."

"Yes, mistress? I've just finished with Razorscale here. She will go perfectly over there, in the next room!"

"...You mean the room full of giant harpoons?"

"Absolutely, mistress. Trust me, if anyone sees it, they'll think, WOW, metal dragon using harpoons? Amazing testament to the STRENGTH OF IGNIS!"

"Wait, what? So...say again, you're putting a DRAGON, who CAN'T use harpoons, in a room large enough for mortals to safely shoot harpoons at her?"

Ignis looked stumped. "Dragons can't use harpoons?"

Yogg-Saron just shook his head and walked away from the idiot who thought giant pools of water in a furnace and harpoons next to a dragon were a good idea and decided to check up on that one thing. XT-Deconstructor or something. Dwarves were never very good at names.

Almost as soon as he walked into the room, he was assaulted by the giant monstrosity.

"TOYS! NEW TOY! ME WON'T BREAK IT THIS TIME!"

Yogg-Saron suppressed a girly scream and immediately fled, not wanting to even know.

Kologarn...THAT conversation had been just awful. Kologarn was the stupidest thing in Ulduar. He completely bypassed the Shattered Walkway and its one pointless inhabitant. The three known as the Assembly of Iron (once again, named by dwarves) also failed so hard he didn't even want to talk to them. One was a dwarf, so that meant automatic failure if they fought anyone.

Auriaya...something to do with cats. He honestly hadn't seen her once since he'd 'escaped' his prison. Yogg-Saron suppressed a groan when he saw her sauntering happily around the walkway past Kologarn holding a leash with three oddly large cats attached to it.

"Auriaya? Dare I even ask what you're doing?"

"It should be obvious, master. My dear kittens needed a walk. So I'm walking them."

"...Right here? Shouldn't you, I don't know, be waiting in the shadows to ambush and kill anyone who dares come in here?"

"The cats needed to use the litter box."

"I don't HAVE a litter box."

"You mean that room with the green liquid and the huge blob in the middle isn't a litter box?"

Yogg-Saron almost screamed. Auriaya had let her giant cats literally SHIT ON HIM!? Dear Titans, what kind of idiots had he enslaved?


	3. Master's Work

_**AN: **Speculation about the corruption of a certain orc. The Old Gods really don't have to do anything, do they? The factions will destroy the world for them._

_**Master's Work**_

Azarah, human priestess of the Twilight's Hammer, sat quietly in her tent, contemplating something she'd always wondered about. Her best friend, Thora'mokgar, or Thora for short, a female orc shaman, also wondered about the same thing Aza did.

"Say, Aza...you're right, you know. They call us the bad guys. They say we're the ones who are going to destroy the world. They're right and all, about the destroying the world thing, but why are we the bad guys?"

"They can't even get along long enough to stay in the same room for five seconds, let alone create as formidable an army as the Twilight's Hammer. This is why I left the Alliance. I remember the Idiot King attacking the Horde Idiot King in Dalaran because of the so-called 'threat' of the Old Gods. Idiots, both of them, I realized."

Thora nodded. "Yes. I came to the same realization when that tree-hugger, that is, Warchief Thrall at the time, asked me to accompany him to Blackfathom because the Earthen Ring was worried about the Old God 'threat'. Humans attacked us. Thrall, of course, tried to make peace, but ended up having to kill them anyway because, well...it doesn't seem there CAN be any peace."

"The Old Gods...the Masters...are no threats. They united us in ways that no mortal master could ever hope to. That is why, in the end, WE will triumph."

Aza smiled. "United we stand, divided we fall! Something one of those pompous Argent Dawn paladins said."

The human's smile faded slightly. "It is a good thing that the Dawn does not turn its attention upon us. They are the only faction that is not affiliated with the Masters in some way that can cross faction lines. I mean, look at their Highlord! Shacking up with a DEATH KNIGHT! Supposedly mortal enemies? My ass!"

Thora snorted. "Hmph. As a shaman, I have noticed the Earthen Ring crossing faction boundaries as well. Still, it is more Horde-oriented. The Earthen Ring has a hard time accepting draenei and dwarf shaman. Fools. All fools." The orc sipped her drink idly.

Thora gazed at the city (a safe distance in front of her). "You know, Aza, even with Deathwing gone, I still think we'll have a mortal leader for the Masters. Right now, he's doing our work for us!"

She gestured at the airship hovering idly in the distance, as if waiting for some signal.

Aza snorted. "Indeed. Sometimes, our mortal leaders are more bloodthirsty than the true Masters are. The Masters just want to annihilate all life on Azeroth, with us sharing in their glory of course. This idiot...the one in charge of this operation...look at this! This is pure, stupid genocide! So many we could convert to the Hammer!"

"A show of great power, but not a show of the power of the Masters. A show of the power of this idiot. And those money-grubbing goblins. Even here, in the Hammer, goblins are greedy little shits. Did you know that the Masters had to promise them piles of gold rather than just the satisfaction of the mass extinction of all Azeroth to get them to join us? What use is gold in the world to come?"

Aza nodded. "The Masters care naught for gold! And Azeroth is only a stepping stone! Your old home world, Draenor, lies beyond the Dark Portal. The Masters will rule more than just Azeroth. I myself will lead them to Draenor if needs must!"

The greedy little shits finally tossed the object over the side of the airship. A massive explosion annihilated the city below in such a magnificent fashion that even the crazed Twilight's Hammer could appreciate.

"You see, Aza? The Horde and Alliance will do our job for us. They're willingly destroying each other and furthering the will of the Masters."

Aza smiled maliciously. "Yes. It was a good day when the Masters put their trust in Garrosh Hellscream."


	4. Wikkets And Derk

_**AN: **Slight Kiryn/Riko (the Hozen). Yes, I know, its NOT slash! Garrosh bashing. My own interpretation of certain Hozen words. Kiryn talks to Riko about the leaders of the Horde._

_**Wikkets And Derk**_

Kiryn sighed and slouched back against the hard rock. Being undead, she didn't really feel anything, but she would have honestly preferred a nice, soft bed. Her Hozen admirer, Riko, stood nearby, observing her.

The Hozen's infatuation with her was amusing. Even after he found out about her 'weird, dead face' he still wanted that kiss from her and seemed to have completely gotten over the shock that she was dead. Riko was now staring intently at her, with what she assumed was a Hozen expression of confusion.

"What's the matter with you, Riko?"

"Ooker thinks Kiryn have pretty eyes! Riko wants to look at eyes rather than dead face!" The Hozen blurted and made a strange ooking sound.

"Nothing is stopping you, monkey."

"Riko want Kiryn to put mask back on. For Riko?" The Hozen's eyes were pleading.

Kiryn raised an eyebrow (or would have, if she had any) at that. "Okay." Kiryn put her mask back on. "Happy now? Weird dead face is hidden!"

Riko marched up to Kiryn, stared into her gold eyes for a few seconds and removed her mask. The Hozen pressed his furry lips against her cold, dead ones.

"Riko thought right. Kiryn prettier without mask. Dead face is pretty." Riko reached out to touch Kiryn's hair, running those slender monkey fingers through the brittle, deadened locks.

Kiryn blinked rapidly. The...monkey thing...really DID like her for her? Even though she happened to be dead?

"Thank you, Riko. I don't like the mask either, but it helps me hide. It boosts my stealth capabilities." She gently kissed the Hozen on top of his furry head.

"Kiryn, what other dead people like? You have other dead people in Horde?"

Kiryn looked thoughtful. "Yes. The Horde is full of many different races. The Forsaken are mine. I serve the Dark Lady, leader of the 'people with dead faces', and a good one, at that."

"Dark Lady have dead face?"

Kiryn laughed. "No, little one. The Dark Lady is a different kind of dead. She is what we call a Banshee. She is inhabiting her old body. She is...a spirit in a body, basically."

Riko's brow was wrinkled. He was obviously confused. "Riko no understand. She lead dead people, but she not dead?"

"No, no. She's dead. Just...a different dead."

"Hm. Okay. Ooker no understand, but that okay. What other Horde races? They dead too?"

Kiryn shook her head. "Riko, you met and worked with two other Horde races. The big green people are orcs. The little green one was a goblin. The people who talk with funny accents and smoke all the time are trolls. The pretty-boys with pointy ears are blood elves. You already know what the bear people are."

"Oh. What they leaders like? They wikkets?"

Kiryn facepalmed. Riko CONSTANTLY used that word, and others, and she had no idea what they meant.

"Uhm...the goblin leader isn't seen much. He's a greedy little shit. Most people ignore him. He's fat, lazy, and useless."

Riko cackled. "He a real wikket!"

"Right...uhm...Vol'jin, the troll leader, he's...like the rest of his race, pretty much. Only difference is, he can actually shoot straight while hopped up on all that smoke. I haven't met the Pandaren Horde representative. I hear he's pretty into action, though."

She paused. "The blood elf leader...you know what? I don't even know who he is. I don't think anyone does." The Forsaken cackled.

Riko tilted his head. "Orc leader good? Or he full of derk and a wikket?"

Kiryn just stared. "Riko? What do you even mean? What do those words mean?"

Riko giggled. "Riko tell you, but only tell you. Kiryn no tell anyone else. Hozen language secret!"

Kiryn could have sworn Riko was blushing. The Hozen leaned over to Kiryn, whispered the translated words into the place where her ear would have been had it not rotted off some time ago. Kiryn felt her face heat up slightly.

"There. Riko tell you. Now you tell me. What orc leader like? He like Nazgrim? Nazgrim tough!"

Kiryn's lips twitched. "No...he...uh...he's got derk for an ooker and an extremely tiny wikket!"

Riko and Kiryn looked at each other and burst out laughing.


End file.
